WEIGHT: 51 kg
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It begins the moment you nod an awkward hello to the young Thai lady as she humbly - eyes down - walks into the room.
There's no chance to get yourself acquainted with any small chat. You don't know her language, she doesn't understand yours. You soon give up with the pointless communication attempts - deciding to just give in to the ride.
Like a cat jumping onto a picket fence she springs up off the floor and onto your back - her knees and fists embracing the length of your spine. You wince in pain, attempting to retreat by futilely arching your stomach into the padded bedding below. While your manly pride keeps you from begging for reprieve, fortunately, she soon whispers something in your ear. You don't know what it is but you assume - or perhaps hope - she's asking if you want it softer.
So you nod a "yes". Desperately, you turn to gripping the sides of the bed for solace until your knuckles turn bone white. It provides some relief, though you can't help but wonder if now would be a good time to experiment with a ball gag. Seeing red - perhaps the result of burst blood vessels in the whites of your eyes - you let your mind wander off to how you will feel at the end. Unlike their traditional Swedish counterparts, Thai massages don't include oil, instead consisting of stretching and deep tissue massage.
When your masseuse is not on your back they're usually contorting your body into completely unnatural yoga positions. However, if you're going to let an unknown foreigner play a solo game of twister on your back, then you're better off forking out that little bit extra for the expert VIP treatment at either the Pullman Bangkok King Power or Pullman Pattaya Asiawan day spas. If you combine this with a 50 per cent discount promotion the Pullman Bangkok King Power day spa is currently running, then the cost is next to nothing.